TJ Hirst

The places, events and people of my life emerge from my subconscious as the settings, plots and characters of my dreams.  In my sleep I pluck from a lifetime of who, what and where like I am trick-or-treating at doors across the world. Then, my mixed assortment of real people, places and scenarios appear in eerie fictional stories, out of time and situational context, as the ghosts of my sleepy-time entertainment.

The ghosts of houses past loom as stages for the dramas behind my closed eyes, with the childhood home of my elementary school years as the most frequent backdrop.

In the latest, I peered out that familiar living room window on Fisher Lane to see a bridge explode and fling debris through our ceiling. (Never mind that that particular bridge crosses the Missouri River 20 miles in the other direction). Fortunately, the home of my teenage years with a centuries-old cemetery—or graveyard as we called it—in the back yard has slipped from my nightmare writer’s notice.

The ghosts of decisions past add anxiety to my sleep when I discover that I am reliving old deliberations with new twists and outcomes. As a notorious second guesser, whether I am awake or asleep, I am more suited to the role of third party observer of a friend or family member who is weighing his or her options.  That is why I particularly enjoyed a recent dream when my friend invited me along on her house hunt, where we easily chose a cleverly-updated ranch with new tile and a curved bar in the kitchen. In reality, she moved over six months ago.

The ghosts of people past reacquaint themselves with me in the oddest places and times in my dreams.  I’ve had fictitious mass reunions with people I have known in a food court of a shopping mall and while waiting in line for a restroom. Our conversations create comic relief during a night of fitful sleep.

The closely related ghosts of relationships past are far more frightening than funny. I get a little panicky in the morning when I remember my dream included someone from my life five, ten or twenty years ago. Why is my subconscious pulling HIM into my dreams at this time? Is is a crush I never outgrew? Does it mean something more?

If you’ve ever read Dicken’s Christmas Carol, it is hard not to wonder why each ghost appears. Most nights, though, my candy stash of characters and scenes doesn’t add any more meaning to my life than a handful of Milk Duds. But think of the possibilities I can pull out of my bag during the day when I write.

Author’s Note: Since I am not a huge Halloween fan, the theme of “Ghosts” for Scribbit’s October Write Away Contest nearly scared me away, but it was fun to dress up my writer self in a little different costume for this entry.

When I was a young cook, a young wife and a young mother, I never strayed from a recipe. For years, I followed every step precisely. My husband, on the other hand, could put in a little of this or a little of that. I surmised that he was more experienced, more creative or that he just didn’t care. I have since learned that he had more confidence to try it out.

A leader in my church gave an inspiring talk last week to women about finding happiness through creativity and compassion. He said.

The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings of the human soul. No matter our talents, education, backgrounds, or abilities, we each have an inherent wish to create something that did not exist before.

Everyone can create. You don’t need money, position, or influence in order to create something of substance or beauty.

Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty—and I am not talking about the process of cleaning the rooms of your teenage children.

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Happiness, Your Heritage

He shared a funny example of the difference between how he and his wife cook, which reminded me that my husband is not like most men, or at least most men of a certain generation. He cooks. But not only that, he cooks with confidence and creativity. After watching him for the past 18 years, I can now set aside a recipe and create one of my own, like this cherry almond bread. Overcoming my fear of failure and trusting myself in the kitchen was just what I needed to uncover my hidden creativity out of the kitchen, too.

I’ve discovered creativity follows a need. A few weeks ago, I wanted to make a special breakfast for Saturday morning on Friday afternoon. Unfortunately, I ran out of time making three other things that day. (My cooking limits is usually three items. Otherwise I become overwhelmed in the kitchen.)

Sometimes a particular ingredient sparks my creativity, like the dried cherries I had left over from making the Wheat Berry Salad last month. Those are great. Have you ever tried them?

I considered making the bread dough I had already prepared into cherry almond sweet rolls. That would have been tasty, but an even faster alternative would be to roll out the dough, add the dried cherries, almonds and a butter/sugar filling, roll it into a loaf and cook it whole. I slathered cream cheese frosting on top and YUM!

My Cherry Almond Bread is a variation on my mom’s Cinnamon Raisin Bread. Here’s how I did it, step-by-step:

1. Make bread dough. I used this recipe and reduced the whole wheat flour by a cup to two cups and added an extra cup of white flour. Allow to rise for one hour.

2. After the dough doubles, cut into two pieces. Shape one loaf according to the recipe and set aside in a loaf pan to rise. Roll out the second piece of dough into a rectangle.

3.  Partially melt ¼ cup butter in a glass measuring cup in the microwave (about 30 seconds, depending on your power setting and softness of butter). Add ½ cup granulated sugar to the butter and ½ teaspoon almond extract. While I didn’t do this, I would recommend adding a drop or two of red food coloring to make the sugar mixture pink for a more visible swirl in the bread. Stir to combine.

4. Spread the sugar mixture on top of the rolled-out dough, leaving about 1 inch all around for an edge.

5. Sprinkle ½ cup to 1 cup dried cherries over the sugar mixture. Sprinkle ½ cup slivered almonds over the cherries.

6. Fold up the edges on the short ends and roll up the dough, beginning from the long end of the rectangle. Place seam side down on a large greased baking sheet, and allow to rise for about 20-30 minutes.

7. Bake in a 375 degree oven for 25-30 minutes. Remove to a cooling rack and make cream cheese glaze.

8. Soften 3 oz. of cream cheese. Stir in enough powdered sugar to make a spreading consistency. Optional - add ¼ teaspoon almond extract to the glaze. Frost the loaf when still warm but not hot, about 30 minutes after baking. Store in refrigerator to set glaze. Slice to serve.

Songwriting is an intimate expression for Courtney King Walker that is “like writing in a journal and then letting everyone see it.”

Her song, He Bowed His Head, conveys her feelings about Jesus Christ’s personal suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and at his crucifixion. When she wrote the words and music, “it felt almost like it was a sacred hymn, even though it is not written in a hymn style.” Listen to it here:

He Bowed His Head, copyright 2001 by Courtney King Walker, all rights reserved.

The song captures an “exact moment in time” and her impressions of “what He is going through right when He is in the Garden.” It speaks in straightforward words of His sacrifice, not only for His accusers but for each of us:

He conquered life through death.
First on His knees, then as He hung on a tree.
He suffered, He died, for me.

Courtney wrote this song during an emotionally difficult period of her own life. She recorded it in 2001 in California. Jill Thompson and Linda Stewart performed the vocals, and Courtney accompanied on the piano. Now, she looks back on that time as one of her most productive and most inspired times as a songwriter.

“Was there a connection? Why was I able to write so much during that time? The more difficult times drew me close to the Spirit. And I think it was the Spirit guiding me.”

Putting words and music together is a private process for her to say something important. “I only wanted to write about Christ. I feel it is in me only to write about what I care deeply about.”

Growing up she loved both art and music. When she went to Brigham Young University, she had to choose between music and design. She took a songwriting class in college, but she chose design and graduated in 1995 with a Bachelor of Fine Arts. She worked as a graphic designer and now freelances for Shade Clothing and others.

Several years ago, motivated by some positive feedback and encouragement from others, she contacted other LDS musicians to explore the possibilities in the commercial market for her music. Through those conversations, she realized that although she wanted to share her music with as many people as possible, marketing her music commercially didn’t seem like the right choice. Thus, her music remains her own spiritual expression and to her “it feels more innocent because of it.”

She distinguishes between the creative process of putting words and music together and her ability to write music to accompany words that someone else has written. The latter is much easier for her and something she could do professionally.

Before her Grandpa passed away five years ago, she wrote and performed—but never recorded—a song for him to the words of a poem that his sister, Virginia King, wrote in the 1930’s. The poem, God Is, is about the existence of God in everything. Courtney added the words in parenthesis for the flow of the music.

God Is

God is, not was.
He is with us still.
His, the driving force and will
That makes the world go ’round (and ’round).

Wherever you see
a green tree grow,
or a flower in bloom, you’ll know
That there God may be found.
(That there God may be found).

God is He who
makes the sun rise;
the stars that twinkle in the skies.
Today as well as yesterday.

God is. He lives, though you may not hear
His footsteps when He draws near.
That’s where God may be found.
(That’s where God may be found).

(God is.
God lives.
He is with us still.
God lives.
God is.
God is.)

God is Courtney’s driving force that fulfills her desire to create. Her creative pursuits—songwriting and music, art and design, raising a family, cooking, gardening, friendship—express her love of God. Courtney represents a new kind of Renaissance woman of this century—one who cultivates her creative gifts and whose life and character become their expression.

Fulfilling The Desire to Create, Part III is the last in a series from an interview with Courtney King Walker. He Bowed His Head is copyrighted by Courtney King Walker, 2001, and downloads may not be sold or used without permission. You may contact Courtney by email at walkerfamily5 (at) gmail (dot) com.

Read Part I in this series.

Even on the ordinary days of Courtney King Walker’s life, her creative side comes out. Creativity helps her discover how to organize her life, get chores done or help her children. She creates in the garden and in the kitchen. And she creates music.

Music is definitely the most creative part for me—playing songs that come from the heart. There’s creative parts of me that I can’t explain. It’s coming from the Spirit, the connection to God. All of my songs are something I feel strongly about. They are unique, personal thoughts that come out of trying to understand the world around me.

When she reads the scriptures, she receives a powerful feeling about Jesus Christ and how He loves little children. Her LDS perspective shows her that babies are perfect and do not need baptism as infants. Christ’s invitation in the New Testament of the Bible and in the Book of Mormon to bring the little children unto Him became the basis for her song, Little Hands, Little Feet.

Listen to it here:

Little Hands, Little Feet, copyright 2001 by Courtney King Walker, all rights reserved.

I thought of the little children as His allies. I have a hard time believing that the little children didn’t feel his divinity. He always called them to Him. They were always following Him and wanting to go with Him. I can just imagine these little connections happening.

The little children in the song follow Christ through his earthly ministry and to his crucifixion. Courtney wrote and recorded this song at the same time as His Eyes. Courtney plays the piano and Jill Thompson and Linda Stewart sing vocals. One of the most touching parts is when they sing about Christ’s resurrection:

Then the sun shined His light
and awoke the world from night.
As we wiped the tears from our weeping eyes,
we looked for a sign.

Little Hands, little feet, they did say.
He is gone away, despite your faith,
But then He stopped and He looked my way

“The children knew he was alive more than the adults,” Courtney said about these words. “And He answers the silence, ‘Come Unto Me.’ “

The repetition of the words “Come Unto Me” invite all who listen—not just the children—to come unto Christ. Originally, she titled the song Come Unto Me, but her friend and vocalist, Jill Thompson, convinced her that the title should be Little Hands, Little Feet.

The little hands and little feet of four children fill the Walker home. In raising them she has learned the need to balance songwriting with mothering so that neither suffers.

Writing music is something that takes patience and quiet. I have to let my barriers down and let the Spirit guide me. With babies you have to stop for a time. Right now is the season for children. I can’t get the good inspiration I need for writing music or being a mom if they are in conflict.

She remembered an experience when she was in the process of writing a song. It was the middle of the day and her children were around her at the piano, wanting to play along with her. She felt frustration toward them and realized, “If I am yelling at my children to write a spiritual song, I am missing the point.”

So, she lives her life in sequential phases. For some time she was in a creating phase when she wrote a lot of music. She composed primarily at a keyboard for several hours in the evening when she could be alone and quiet. She put on headphones to tune everything out except the spiritual connection she was seeking. In that way, she took what was in her head and expressed herself.

For now, she has written the words she needs to say, and she’s moved into a new phase in which she is taking it in, learning and absorbing. She is grateful for her roles beyond songwriter as woman, wife and mother to find ways day-to-day to apply that continuing creativity.

Fulfilling The Desire to Create is Part II in a series from an interview with Courtney Walker. Read Part I here. TJ will publish more of Courtney’s words and songs in Everyday Biography, next Wednesday, July 16. Little Hands, Little Feet is copyrighted by Courtney King Walker, 2001, and downloads may not be sold or used without permission. You may contact Courtney by email at walkerfamily5 (at) gmail (dot) com.

I knew Courtney King Walker as an artist. When we met in St. Louis, Missouri, in the mid-90’s, I was a young mom with occasional free-lance writing or editing opportunities, and she had just taken a job as a graphic artist for Brown Shoe Company, the parent company of Naturalizer Shoes. The interaction with another creative mind inspired me in my own expressions.

Later, with the birth of her children, Courtney’s primary creations shifted toward her home and family, from which she shares her talent in words, music, art, food and love. In the changing phases of her life, Courtney always feels the need to create.

Most recently, I have come to know her as a Christian (LDS) songwriter. She has self-recorded five of the 15 or so songs she has written. She began songwriting without formal training after 10-12 years of piano lessons. Around the age of 16-18 she figured out that she could write music at the piano if she just played and then wrote down the notes, and she wrote something for her high school graduation.

During the summer before she started college at Brigham Young University, she read the book, Jesus The Christ by James E. Talmage. She read about those anciently who did not believe that Christ was the son of God, and the thought came to her to write a song reflecting Christ’s divinity.

“I was always able to write and express myself well,” Courtney said. But now, she felt a purpose for that expression as she thought about “looking at Him and seeing His divinity. The words just kind of came out,” and she put the words to music and created the song, His Eyes.

His Eyes by Courtney King Walker, copyright 2001

On this recording, Jill Thompson and Linda Stewart sing vocals and Courtney accompanies them on the piano. (Singing is not her talent, she said.) She recorded it at a Bay Area recording studio in California in 2001 after many years of revisiting and revising—an important part of the process. She said,

All of my music has grown up. As I’ve grown older, I look at how naive I was. I go back and revisit it to see if it is sensitive. I ask myself, ‘Is that careful enough? Is that kind enough?’

That type of emotional and spiritual reflection and expression motivates her creative process, not commercial success. She said,

I always received support from a handful of people who listened to my music and liked it even though I didn’t have the training. I just do it the way I know how, which is probably blasphemy to people in the music world.

Though her audience may be small, the depth of her ability is great and the absence of fame or commercial success does not diminish her talents and creations.

Fulfilling The Desire to Create is Part I in a series from an interview with Courtney Walker. TJ will publish more of Courtney’s words and songs in Everyday Biography, on Wednesdays in July. His Eyes is copyrighted by Courtney King Walker, 2001, and downloads may not be sold or used without permission. You may contact Courtney by email at walkerfamily5 (at) gmail (dot) com.