TJ Hirst

Our family takes a Finnish Sauna every Monday night, boys and girls separate of course. We work in our yard together on Saturday mornings. We eat pulla bread for breakfast every Sunday morning (see recipe here tomorrow). Family prayers always take place on our colorful, round rug from Garnet Hill. We ask and answer The Question at the dinner table. After Sunday dinners, we take a walk together—the same route every time.

Creating ritual in the early years of the United States was as important as creating rules of law:

Ritual—defined as “a public ceremonial affirmation of community”— satisfies a deep collective human need . . . The only ritual built into the American system is the presidential inauguration, as decreed by the Constitution. Through its First Lady (Dolley Madison) the United States took its first tentative steps toward constructing national rituals, and embraced a national identity.

Catherine Allgor
A Perfect Union:
Dolly Madison
and the Creation of the American Nation

I have discovered I am the “First Lady” of my family to set routines, rituals and traditions that create a family identity. I don’t mean the traditions related to holidays (which seem to be initiated more by marketers than mothers). I mean those regular actions we do together in the course of ordinary family life that make us unique and bind us together.

What are your family rituals, routines or traditions? How important are they in creating your family circle?

Normally, I post polls on Fridays, but this “poll” topic is more conducive to comments, so please leave a comment below with your answers to these questions.

After reading about sugar overload at Women’s Health from a link on Evolving Mom and hearing about Minna’s Sugar Strike, I consciously watched and reduced my own sugar intake.

Before I go any further I must warn that the rest of this post, the poll, and the ensuing comments may not meet the standard of inspiring (in a good way) that I routinely seek in my posts.

But, today is Friday, and Friday is a dessert night in our house. I have an undeniable sweet tooth. I have learned to limit myself in different ways throughout my life, with varied results. Only after I left my parent’s home could they dedicate a whole drawer in the kitchen to all the varied flavors of Twizzlers.

In my own home, now, the inspired balance of eating some sugar but not too much, is still not easy, especially as a wife and a mother who gets cranky at 3 p.m. every afternoon and loves baking for her family.

However, setting particular days aside as dessert nights seems to help me and my family limit the indulgences (to at least three or four days a week instead of seven). Thus, I am contemplating Rice Krispies Treats or Warm Brownie Pudding Cake.

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I did not intend to create a theme on women in my posts this week, but writing and thinking about feminine influence led my thoughts through a discovery process. I began with an ideal in a Review of Womanhood, considered the role of mothers building communities, showed an historic example and current examples of wives in marriage, and shared the practical struggles of building sisterhood.

Now it is time to hear from you, preferably both male and female readers.

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In Minnesota we joke about only have two seasons, winter and __________ (mosquitoes, road construction, other). In terms of our community it is winter and the time when you see your neighbors again. I just ran into my neighbor at the YMCA and suggested that maybe it is time to start planning another block party.

Our neighborhood is in a growing micropolitan in central Minnesota where two smaller towns have grown together and meshed into a larger community. We also have an influx of seasonal residence in the spring and summer that add to our size. The local newspaper just completed a five-part series on a social capital survey in our community. It defines social capital as

human connections that make for healthier people, neighborhoods and society. Those connections or relationships are considered part of what generates a sense of belonging . . . Research indicates communities rich in social capital tend to have desirable attributes—higher achievements in education, better performance in government, faster economic growth and less crime and violence.

We moved to this community eight years ago today. One neighbor showed up on our doorstep within hours of our arrival with pasties and gardening advice (the garden can’t go in for two more months). Her welcome certainly went a long way in helping us feel a sense of belonging. We have since learned that to belong we have to make an active effort. We have made small and large contributions. One of those contributions is that my husband started a business here. His business partner recently wrote about this community survey and what it means for someone who has moved from outside the area to build a business here.

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Am I wrong in my perception that most people want less weighty content to read?

This is the question I posed to another writer this week, and we had an interesting discussion about substance vs. fluff. Another writer this week also lamented, “Does anyone write literature anymore?”

I don’t believe this discussion relates only to writing but to all communication. I share a current example from our home.

On Monday nights we have what our family and other members of the LDS church call Family Home Evening. It is a very flexible way of reserving and spending time together as a family. This is what our Monday nights look like: We eat dinner together, have a gospel-centered time to study and discuss the doctrine and principles of the scriptures, enjoy dessert, take a Finnish sauna (girls first, then boys), and then Paul and I watch recorded episodes of The Office.

Well, this week, I was leading the discussion about preparing ourselves to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ. Half way through, I felt like I was just talking to myself. I asked questions with little response. Then I saw why no one was engaged—three of the five family members (my husband included) were drawing cartoon characters on the paper I had given them.

I will admit up front that I am a serious substance seeker. It is in my nature. People have tried to change me, to make me less serious and more spontaneous. And in fairness to my husband distracting our children from what I am saying, he is one who hasn’t tried to change me and who has helped me achieve a nice balance. (If I am watching The Office, I must be a little fun).

But I still want the communication I give and receive to be purposeful, and most often my purpose is to seek truth or understanding. My writing, especially on this website, is going to reflect that innate desire in me.

But I don’t want to just be talking to myself when I talk or write. I invite your thoughts on this subject in the poll question below. It could be entitled, Your opinion on Finding What Inspires, Part 2. Did you take Part 1? If not, go here, I would love to have your feedback.

And, just a reminder, my polls are anonymous.

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